make it work

when i get something in my head it becomes all encompassing until it comes true. i dwell on the details, print and reprint applications, plan the possibilities and replay them in my head. i almost manifest what i desire. when i was 16 i wanted to go to Europe and i made it happen! i saved every penny, i worked and reworked budgets, read and reread every brochure and book on London and Paris. i even made a paper chain that was 6 months long. i was the most prepared teenage traveler, i even had wrinkle reducer spray haha. my next big obsession was dorm life, anything and everything they recommended i had to have! i didnt need to go anywhere because i was so comfortable and prepared (perhaps its one of the reasons i didnt stay long, who knows). along the way there have been mini obsessions but i feel like this biggest loser audition is on its way to being my next "make it happen" moment. im doing research on how these casting calls work, im reading the profiles on contestant seeing what sets them apart, ive got the application out so i can think of the best way to answer the questions, im contemplating what it would be like to go all the way through. every other thought is somehow linked to the biggest loser. what picture should i bring, should i do a video, what should i say about me, where will i park, how long will it take, when would i know about a call back.. etc. Its like a puzzle and i thrive on each piece coming together. i want to make sure i give it my all.

im scared of being disappointed, there are very few things that i've wanted this bad.